A reflection on Father's Day...

So, today is Father's Day, both here and in the US, and, like Mother's Day, I am once again spending the holiday without the corresponding parent... Even though they don't feel so far away thanks to Skype and Whatsapp, it's not the same as being with them in person. Despite the distance, I was able to reflect a little on how thankful I am to have been blessed with such an amazing dad. He has constantly demonstrated his love for my sister and me since the day we were born, not just by his words but also, or perhaps even more so, by his actions. Also, the way he has respected, honored, and loved my mother throughout their marriage of twenty-five years has set the bar high for my future husband.

My dad and I at our first pro European soccer game. Paris St. Germain vs. Bordeaux

It wasn't only Father's Day, however, which brought up these feelings of gratitude but various conversations with teammates throughout the week, providing me with a brief glimpse of the fathers (or non-fathers) in their lives:  

"Oh, on Facebook? That's my mother's last name. My father's last name is _______ which is what is officially on my DNI (national ID). But I don't really consider him to be anything to me. He was never there. All he left me was my last name. I wish he hadn't even left that so I wouldn't have to think about him every time I use my DNI for something..." - G, 17 years old.

"No, I can't go tonight. My whole family came into town and is staying with my sister and me... Right after the game, I'm going to the hospital. Tomorrow my dad is having surgery. They found a tumor in his brain which needs to be removed. We won't know whether it's malignant or benign until the end of the month when they get the results of the biopsy... It wouldn't surprise me if it turns out to be malignant. He smokes like a chimney, the son-of-a-b------..." - F, 23 years old.

"My dad used to play soccer too, ya know. He was pretty good so I like to listen to him when he tells me how I should improve. He tells me to let the 'savage' out and just play. He says that when I do that, I'll be unstoppable, but, I don't know, I don't know how to do that. My dad is strong. He doesn't let anyone push him around and defends our family no matter what. I don't think I have his mean streak or the fire to play like he did, like a 'savage'..." - Z, 19 years old

"You've never seen me angry. I only get angry in situations where my anger is justified. When I get angry, I get violent. 

One day, I was coming home from playing a soccer game with a group of my teammates. We drove past a service station and saw a man beating his girlfriend. My friend pulled over and we all got out and raced toward the couple to pull the man off the woman and let him have it. We beat him up pretty bad, but the girlfriend, instead of running away, waited to make sure her boyfriend was okay so she could leave with him. He probably had her so dependent on him that she felt trapped and unable to get out of the relationship. 

But that doesn't even compare to the rage I felt when I saw my sister's boyfriend hit her while she was pregnant. I mean, who wouldn't get angry? They were around the corner from my house, and there were even other people around who just stood and watched. I was the first to react. I ran over and started punching and kicking him until my dad arrived and pulled me away so he could handle the situation. I'll never forgive him nor look at him the same way again, I don't care if my sister loves him or not. He knows that if he touches her one more time, he's as good as dead." - F, 27 years old 

"I've wanted to get F out of that house for a while now. She lives alone with her father who doesn't even give her the time of day. I don't know where her mother is. She's basically on her own. She cooks and cleans and also has a five-hour round trip to River four times per week. He doesn't even care that she still has over a year of high school left and probably won't finish any time soon..." - R talking about F, 19 years old

"My father doesn't live with us any more. It's just my 6 siblings and I with our mother. A couple of years ago I caught my dad beating my mom. I grabbed something to defend her with and chased him away. He hasn't been back to our house since. Sometimes I see him around because he lives just a few blocks away, but he doesn't even acknowledge me. He'll wave or talk to my siblings, but with me, nothing.

It's weird for me though. We used to be really close. He was the one who would come with me to all of my games. He'd always support me from the sideline and give me pointers. But now, it's as if none of that ever happened. I'll never get the image of him hitting my mom out of my mind..." - L, 32 years old

After a couple of these conversations, I was left speechless. What does one say to a friend who just told you her father was abusive? How does one react?

At first, I felt a rage built up inside my gut along with a lump rise in my throat. A desire to exact revenge on my friend's father came upon me before my other friend who was sitting with us said, "Gaby, this is a lot of people's reality. Your dad is just an exception to the rule."

Woah. How can somebody think that way? It should be the other way around, shouldn't it? Maybe I've just been lucky enough to be surrounded by real men who know how to respect women, or maybe I've just been blind or ignorant to friends who have been abused in one way or another by their father or other men in their life? 

Thoughts of anger and frustration began to flood my mind followed by an overwhelming sadness. Some of these young women have never known a relationship with a loving father. Their vision of men is so distorted by their past experiences that some don't want anything to do with members of the opposite sex. Luckily, our coach has become sort of a father figure for many of my teammates in his two years with the team. He does his best to demonstrate how a man should treat a woman in the way he leads us, with respect and sensibility, but our coach's fatherly authority is limited to the time we are at the club. He cannot replace the role of father which has been left empty for quite a few of my teammates. 

Why was I blessed enough to have a dad who took care of me and my family, who treated us with respect, who led us in a Godly, moral way? Why couldn't my teammates experience the same thing? I don't think I'll ever have the answers, but I am extremely thankful for him. I'm not sure I've said this enough, but...

Thanks, Dad. Thanks for always being there. Thanks for being a reflection of our Heavenly Father's love for us. Thanks for being an example of a loving husband and father. Thanks for sacrificing personal and career goals in order to serve our family. Thanks for supporting mom as she showed Vanessa and me how to be strong and independent women. Thanks for many other things which I don't have room to list on this blog. I love you so much and can't wait to see you and mom when you come visit me. 

P.S. Here's a sneak peak at your Father's Day gift (which I was hoping to give you in person as a surprise, but I can't keep it a secret anymore...)

Yes, I almost cried when I found out my friend had actually gotten this signed for me...